I told my husband that I was thinking about starting a blog where I share the stuff I screw up and his first reaction was, "Why would you want to tell people?" Which kind of surprised me, because he has been encouraging me to write for a long time. So, to answer him and maybe you, here is my first confession:
I am a perfectionist. My frailties, small and large, drive me crazy. It causes me real pain when I damage a relationship, cause harm to someone else, or make an mistake that wastes time and treasure. I wish I could say that, with Christ as my compass, I've never steered off course. But that would be a lie. I blow it all the time. Why would I want to tell people about it? I think there is something to be gained from confessing to you here.
First, it is cathartic. It releases me (He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13 (NIV)). I hate keeping secrets; I'm good at it, but I hate it.
Second, sometimes it's pretty funny. I like to think I'm a pretty smart gal, but I do really stupid things. And why should I keep that to myself when you could enjoy it?
Third, Paul talks in his second letter to the church in Corinth about the brokenness of Christians and the perfect glory of God in Christ. He says, We are not preaching about ourselves. Our message is that Jesus Christ is Lord. He also sent us to be your servants. The Scriptures say, "God commanded light to shine in the dark." Now God is shining in our hearts to let you know that his glory is seen in Jesus Christ. We are like clay jars in which this treasure is stored. The real power comes from God and not from us. (2:5-7, CEV)
Sometimes we want to pretend that when we committed to follow Christ, we became the treasure. We're not. We're still fragile clay jars, and sometimes that's all that others can see - how dull and messed up we are. But it is my hope that if I can quit pretending to be the treasure, and accept that I'm just a clay pot, others can begin to glimpse the treasure within (which, keep in mind, is not me, but Christ).
The answer to my perfectionism is to realize that I'm just a clay pot, and be grateful I get to hold treasure. This is my lighthearted attempt to share that journey with you.