Friday, June 4, 2010

I Don’t Like to Bathe

Too much information? Sorry, but I thought it was time I admitted it. I know many people who claim that they just can’t start their day without the refreshment of a turn in the shower. I am not one of them.

At risk of sounding like a toddler, I hate taking showers. They are such an incredible nuisance: all the undressing and redressing; having to wash all those towels; the time spent blow drying, combing, applying products. Uhg. Pass. Thanks. I’ll take one tomorrow. I know I’ll enjoy it, once I’m there, but not enough to make me want one every day.

When I wake up in the morning, I am usually ready for two things: a cup of coffee and my day’s to-do list. Bathing just seems like a big distraction. First you stop to bathe. Next thing you know, you need to match your clothes. Then you’re applying makeup and looking for coordinating jewelry. Soon an hour of your life has slipped away. An hour that could easily have been spent lying on a hammock, writing your novel, weeding the garden, or getting to work early, so you could go home early – and wash towels. But, no, I blew it on my vanity. Would I rather be vain or lazy? Can’t decide.

I have special methods of avoiding the daily shower without anyone knowing I did – or feeling like I’m risking my dignity or offending my co-workers. It only makes the challenge harder because I have extremely fine hair; it loves to flop into stringy clumps about 6 hours after my last shower, signaling to everyone around me that I am in need of a shampoo. In my younger days, I could always throw on a ball cap for that sporty second-day look, but the older I get, the dumber I feel showing up anywhere with a ball cap on; except maybe to softball. I could wear it there. I also used to rely on perms to dry my hair out and let me sneak a second day. Then perms went way out of style and I had to go back to the drawing board.

Nowadays, it’s highlights and texturizing hair spray that help me get through every other day without bowing to shower-idolatry. I combine the “interest” they add to my hair-do with the reliable method of occasionally wearing headscarves and pony-tails on fresh-hair days, just to throw people off the pattern.

Not to worry, I’ll shower daily for special occasions, most every Sunday, and when I’ve done something that required me to sweat (see my post on the elliptical I don’t use). Ironically, I have to mention, I got into a fine habit of daily bathing while I was living in Austria for a year. In case you don’t recognize the irony – the thing about Europeans not bathing; it’s true. So I wasted it, all those long mornings of shampoo, lotion, and hair products, on people who are already numb to body odor and oily hair.

You'll be glad to know that I'm quite attached, however, to tooth brushing and deodorant.

Jesus answered, "Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean.” John 13:10

(Reason for photo: a successful non-shower in my book)


  1. Emily,
    This is so funny! Only because I share your feelings, somewhat. I love the shower, but what I dread is the after shower primping. But, I usually have to take one every day because I am walking LOTS of training miles in very HOT weather or gardening etc. So, I have found a way of making the primping easier. I just throw on some mascara, lip gloss and then fashion my wet hair into a very low ponytail (with maybe a cute little part to make it look even fancier) and then twist it around my fingers which gives me cute little curls. Usually when I come out of the bathroom doing just these few things, I get the most compliments. Less is more, I guess.
    Hope my tips help!

  2. Hilarious Emily -- let the Every-Other-Dayers unite!

  3. Perhaps I'm vain, lazy, AND cocky (or deluded?). I think I look acceptible with pimples and bedhead?