Friday, May 18, 2012

We're going boy crazy.

Picking the kids up from school recently, an exceedingly young couple was walking home together, holding hands.  They paused to hug at the corner before parting ways.  I wanted to vomit, because they seemed way too little to be “in a relationship,” but instead used their public display as the entry point into a conversation with my daughters about whether their lives or friendships are being affected by romance, yet.  In doing so, I opened the floodgates.

It has set in.  My daughters have gone a little boy crazy.  They were just waiting for me to ask.  I’m thankful they tell me so openly about their lives, but I found myself growing bored quickly when they started outlining the list of boys they like, which other girls like the same boys, which girls the boys like, and all of the various dramas that ensue.  I tried to keep a stiff upper lip, to act very casual about their interest in romance so they would hopefully keep these communication channels open, but on the inside, I was just so SO sad.  I pray their search for Mr. Right doesn’t crowd out the wonderful breadth of interests, friendships, and activities that have, up to now, brought them joy and contentment.

Their sudden excitement about boys got me to thinking about the posting and conversation trends of people I know who are single, as well as my own experiences from back when I was single myself.  Those memories were buried some sixteen years deep, but I pulled some out and dusted them off to try and relate.  I had forgotten how consuming it is, waiting for your other half to come into your life.  Every new room you walk into, “he” might be there; I remember now the daily anxiety and anticipation that goes along with knowing you weren’t meant to be alone, but not knowing yet who it is that will fill that void.

I’m sure I sometimes lost control of my senses and went a little boy crazy in those days – letting my hope for love cloud my enjoyment, possibly even my pursuit, of other interests.  I rejoice to realize all the spare time and mental freedom I have to play and learn and cook and sing, because my time and attention isn’t consumed with the quest for the One.  I can go about my business, dressed however I want, focus on what I’m after, and not care who is or isn’t noticing me.  It is very liberating, but I’ve taken that for granted since I realized my husband was "him."

As we head into the turbulent season of adolescence, I wonder how I can help my daughters appreciate that while God designed us for partnership, their lives are now; they don’t start some day off in the future when they partner up – they are beautifully complete works of art, all on their own.  I hope they will let romance happen upon them while they are doing all the other exciting and meaningful things that fill their lives with contentment and satisfaction, rather than surrendering all those wonderful things and letting their pursuit of romance become the central focus of their lives.

It sounds so basic, but I know it will not be easy.  I pray a lot.  For their self-worth, for their discernment, for the boys they’re going to fall for along the way, for the dreams I hope they pursue, and ultimately for the marriages I hope they’ll have.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: Ecclesiastes 4:9


  1. i love this post Emily. being someone that didn't get married until they were 40 or so... :) constantly, i was asked... why aren't you married? that was probably harder to deal with than being single. society has a definition of what a "happy" life should be. and i didn't fit. i know that my parents prayed for me daily and they still do. i KNOW that its their prayers that helped me be strong and safe. and its their relationship that helped me to not "settle" just so i could fit into society's definition of "happy life". don't get me wrong - its been tough. but i'm so blessed to have a wonderful man now and am so thankful to God for his blessings. yours and brian's relationship along with your prayers will bring up 3 extra lovely, wonderful girls. this i DO know! :) keep up the great work!!! tammy.

    1. Thanks, Tammy, your encouragement means a lot; you've been through the trenches without losing yourself! It's so true - there are such great rewards to being our own person and not just falling into the first arms that are open to us. Many more blessings in the years to come to you wonderful newlyweds!

  2. I totally echo Tammy's comments about how confident I am you and Brian will raise the girls to be amazing in every way. While it seems impossible that they can be old enough to care about boys, and no doubt this is bittersweet for you - they are so beautiful, fun, smart, and secure in your love and hopes for them...I know this next season will have its challenges, but oh the fun you'll have along the way!

    1. Maybe we need to give them some wacky haircuts and buy the shop teacher glasses from Walmart for them for the next ten years or so. That would be some of the fun you're talking about, right?!